Her grandmother is terminally ill with about 2 weeks left here. They are very close and she knows she has been sick for a long time, but my daughter doesn't really think she will die. How do I talk to her about it before and after it happens? I never lost anyone I loved as a child.Does anyone have any advice on how I can talk to my 5 year old daughter about death?
Being honest is the best way to go. I had to talk to my kids (7,4, and 2) last year about their Grandfather dying. It was pretty tough but we got through it. Be prepared though ...she may want to know answers to very practical questions like where they put the body until the funeral (I was ready for the ';spiritual'; aspect but the practical stuff threw me). We let the kids be at the funeral home for the wake ...the place we were was great they had a room upstairs for the kids to watch tv or movies if they wanted or they could be with us. It let them see that Grandpa was important to many people and that there was support around for us. I know my 4 year old thought it was very nice that other people would bring us supper. The best advice I can give is let her ask whatever question she wants to and give the best answer you can. I would stay away from the ';sleep'; comparison as that tends to make kids not want to go to sleep in case they don't wake up. We told ours that Grandpa was going to be an angel in heaven...but then we had to explain that he wouldn't get his wings until he was there (the 4 year old was looking for the wing place at the funeral home). We didn't say that God needed Grandpa...since at Sunday School they sometimes hear that God needs them to be part of his family and such and once again we were concerned about them mixing things up.
Good luck and remember in the world of a 5 year old things are pretty black and white...it's easier for them to deal with than us sometimes. Let her know that it's o.k. to be sad...it's o.k. to talk about the person...and that it's o.k. not to talk about them too.
I'll be thinking about you. It's hard but you'll get through it!Does anyone have any advice on how I can talk to my 5 year old daughter about death?
My daughter is five in July of 2004 her half brothers adopted 8 year old brother was tragically killed out side in his own yard when he was maulled to death by a stray dog. It is the worst thing in the world as a parent to loose a child and for a child to have to deal with a lose of a sibling or a family member. We didn't let her go the funural. but we did tell her what happened,and she hasnt been to the grave yet, We are a very extended family and the greeving process takes a long time, We share pictures of him with her and her brother Eric. We talk about how god neded another angel so they took or angel here on earth. We told her on a stary night we can look into the hevens and see his star shining down on us and that has helped us a lot. We also incuarge in her prayers at night to speak of him and he can her her. Good luck to you and we will pray for you.and your family,
Just wanted to say, I think Big Ma Ma's advice above is very good, very age-appropriate. The only thing I would stay away from is using the term 'sleep' when referring to death. Some kids hear that and then have trouble when they have to go to sleep at night. Sleep=death can be troublesome.
I think it's natural for your daughter to think grandma will never die. You might want to prepare her, though, by saying the family expects Grandma is going to die in the next few weeks, so she can get used to the 'When' it's going to happen, rather than the 'If' that is currently in her mind. Then Big Ma Ma's advice about what that means will help it go down easier.
i actually had to do this last year with my 3 year old. tough subject. it wasnt about a person though it was about my parents dog, and then her bird about 3 month later. but maybe this may still help. when 'buck' my parents dog died we told her that he went to a place called heaven. he was in a deep sleep and he was playing with all the other animals that were in heaven and that he would watch over us to make sure that we stayed safe. then a couple months later 'pepsi' her bird died and she related it to 'buck'. so she knows that buck and pepsi are together playing in heaven. once in a while she likes to let balloons go into the sky to give it to them. if you are referring to a grandparent or such i would explain that they are playing with other grandparents in heaven, and that their job in heaven is to make sure that we stay safe. i hope that this helps.
I had to explain this same thing to my daughter last March. She was just 5 at that time. I was with her great grandmother for a whole month taking care of her. We all knew she was going to die. We had to try to tell my daughter that her Maw-Maw was very sick, and that she was going to die. Children understand more than we give them credit for. You should sit her down, don't get to detailed about what is going to happen. You have to be honest with her though, she may ask some tough questions. If you know your child the way I know mine it won't be that hard for you. Yes it is going to hurt for both of you. One important thing also is let your daughter see her grandmother as much as possible. I did that with my daughter and I think it help alot.
After her grandmother is gone don't rush your daughter to talk about it. She will come to you when she is ready. It might it even be one question or one statement in one day. Just be there and be as prepared for it as possible. It has been one year this month since my grandmother passed away and my daughter still comes to me and will ask something about what happened.
That is a very tough question. The good news is, your five year old will probably handle death better than you will. I have a five year daughter old too. Her first experience with death was a goldfish. They never seem to live very long and she wasn't really attached to him, but it helped her understand. A year later, she lost her cat. I lost my grandmother when I was young too. It was hard, but one thing that helped was that I had a chance to talk to her a few weeks before. She was different that time. I could tell she was dying. I appreciated being told what was happening, because I felt like I had a chance to say goodbye.
I would just talk to your daughter and answer her questions. It may take time for her to accept it. She probably already understands, she just doesn't want it to be true.
Maybe you could show her a picture of her great grandparents, what you knew about them, and where they are now.
There are also some very good books written for children about death. They might help you talk about.
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